It's been a long year--exactly, more or less, as long as any other year. Now that 2012 has already ended in Australia, it's time for me to look back (quickly!) before we follow the lead of those koala-feeding Vegemite addicts. Since everyone who might even possibly be reading this entry has surely already read every entry leading up to it (Right? I mean, who reads the last page first?) . . . I'll only hit the moments that I previously left out of this blog. You may ask yourself how I missed blogging about these moments when they happened. Well . . . like I said . . . it's been a long year.
Here's what I did in 2012:
In January, I got new headshots (left) and did a mass mailing to agents. Strangely, no agents invited me in to audition. I think it has something to do with my resume, because the image captures me exactly.
In February, I starred in The Transporter IV. I won a "Roomie," which is the Chicago equivalent of an Oscar.
In March, I booked my first print ad, for The Peggy Notebart Nature Museum. The snake got equity rates. I'm considered an extra.
Running out of funds in April, I got a job as a bouncer. Those are not my fingers.
In May, I tripped.
In June, still low on funds, I got a great group rate on a tour of Wrigley Field. All I had to do was pretend to be a first grader. As I am an accomplished actor, this was simple. No one suspected a thing.
In July, I got a job at Walgreens, which is based in Chicago. I took my job very seriously and began every conversation with, "I'm afraid I have some bad news."
In August, I reignited my career as a Dungeons and Dragons illusionist. I learned fifteen variations of the cantrip "Dancing Lights" when I was in high school. It was easy to pick it back up.
In September, I took my impersonation of a first grader to the next level and reenrolled in elementary school, just in time for school photo day. This is one of the only existing photographs of me without a soul patch.
No one was fooled, and I was forced to become a teacher.
In October, I was invited to give a motivational speech to a television.
In November, my lucky suspenders could not save me from my own feet, and I tripped again, this time in front of an audience. How embarrassing! People laughed at me.
In December, I got new headshots. They're not as good as the ones I used last year, but I'm going to update my resume and see what happens. Everyone knows that people in the television, film, and advertising industry value substance over looks anyway.