I want to offer an apology to anyone who might be reading this. The apology may be just rhetoric, or it may be sincere. It depends on who you are.
See, when I decided to move to Chicago, I expected it to affect a relatively small social circle. Apparently though, when you’re five omens up the ladder to famousness, the moves you make start to really have an impact beyond what you can reasonably anticipate. I’ve shaken the world, and countless numbers of people are feeling the effects. Please know that this was unintended.
On a small scale, multiple friends have experienced major life changes in the last three weeks. I won’t go into detail because I don’t want my friends to get stalked by any of my crazy “like”-rs. But they’re there, and they’re real.
On a larger scale, I hear some things have happened, too. Some guy in Afghanistan got killed, and I also read that the world is well on its way to ending. So that stuff seems pretty important.
But back to the stuff that’s small enough for me to comprehend:
If your life has recently changed suddenly, please stop looking for answers and understand that it was all my fault. Lost money in the stock market? Me. Got kicked out of a play? Me. Just feeling a little insecure? Me. It’s also possible that you’ve been the victim of one of the many idiotic moves on my part in the process of all of this, in which case: definitely me.
What’s happened to you, dear reader, since I decided to move to Chicago (i.e. in the last three weeks)? Whatever it is, write about it below, and I’ll take credit for it.
And I’ll try to make it better soon. I promise. But I won’t stop shaking the world.
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