I Am Your Girlfriend

Do you read this blog regularly?  No?  Ah.  Okay.  One more question.

Have you ever read this blog?  No?  Ah.  Okay.  One more question.  No, really.  Last one. Stop it!  You're cute.

Do you understand how blogs work?  No?  Perfect.  No more questions, your Sexiness.  Yeah, I spelled that with a capital "S."  Wanna kiss? 

In case you haven't met me, I am your girlfriend.  The reason I call this blog "I will be famous soon" is because you are so big and famous.  No!  You are!  Stop it.  You're cute.  And sexy.  Very, very sexy.  And when we get together, because we are made from the same unicorn horn and it is destined to be so, I will be famous, too. 

But I didn't name the blog "I will be famous, too" did I?  No.  I named it "I will be famous soon."  Soon.  SOON.  

What's the rush?  Oh, well, nothing.  No.  I really don't want to say.  No.  Stop it.  You're cute.  Wait.  Let me show you a picture of me that my friend took.  Here:

Wait.  Close your eyes.  Okay.  Here it comes.  Here:

Stop it!  You're cute.  Okay, for real this time.  Here:

I know.  I get that all the time.  But we're not even related.  What?  The reason I need to be with you and get famous soon?  Oh, shucks.  I don't want to . . . okay.  You talked me into it.  Sexy. 

The reason I need to get famous soon is that I am dying.  Of . . . rickets.  Yes.  Rickets.  I don't normally tell people I have rickets on the first date--what?  Why, of course it's a date, silly!  You were thinking the same thing but didn't want to say so?  Well, I guess I'm just the blunt type.  The sassy, forward, knows what she wants, hot as hell, blunt type. 

Oh God.  I can feel myself falling for you.  I am really in trouble.  Really, really in trouble.  brb.

. . .

. . .

Sorry.  I had pain in my spine, pelvis, and legs.  No, no.  I'm fine.  I'll be  . . . fine.  As long as I have you.

As long as I have you.

BTW, what time is your game today?  As long as my breastbone projection isn't acting up, I will try to drive up.  Yes!  I will!  Stop it.  You're cute.  You are.  

Blemish

My blog I am writing in my blog I am not going crazy in the cold it isn't cold it isn't Spanish Spanish Spanish all around me people from the republic I should capitalize that no I shouldn't maybe I'll go to Spain to Portugal Portugal is the Canada of Spain maybe I'll write a meaningful blog entry no one will ever read this seriously take it seriously blogging is fun blogging is worthwhile so much shit on the internet why don't I contribute a little more dogsitting this weekend feeling less and less famous by the day tell my autobiographer thats me tell my biographer thats probably going to be me too that this is the day I finally lost it this is the day I went insane this is the day it all went to hell the day proofreading went to hell hell?  that doesn't sound like a very pleasant place this is the day I got sick and my throat hurt and I spoke some Spanish Spanish?  Maybe I'll go to Spain.  When you put it all together what is that period doing there there is such a brave line between courage and insanity someone will go back and read this entry and think it's serious someone will worry about me not knowing i feel I need a disclaimor I am not actually insane I don't however know how to spell disclaimer correctly now I do dogsitting this weekend go to hell all going to hell going to spend some time with a dog locked inside with a dog a philosophical dog sitting on a philosophical dog this entry makes about as much sense as all the others except this entry, this entry is art because this is what all the freeflow poets do, they write they create art they create something special something in its own voice Sweet Charity they create Sweet Charity and the Mother F**cker with the Hat I spelled that sh*t wrong go back and fix it t-h-e-m-o-t-h-e-r-f-star-star-k-oops!  I used too many stars the first time.  It's her dream she says to play at the Steppenwolf it's my dream I say to perform somewhere else and every where everywhere every wear we reach and grasp I am not on drugs I am not drunk I am simply providing fodder for my (auto) (maybe) biography so all of you cynics when you find me at the top oh I am already there haven't you been watching the OMENS let's add a link there no I haven't forgotten about the omens there just hasn't been a lot happening recently and would anyone possibly dare read this?  I doubt it.  I doubt it.  Why are we watching so carefully?  Here's the part where I go back and put in a link.  PAUSE!  It's done.  It's done.  It's been since July since the tenth omen.  Wanna know everything that's happened since then in a big long spurt of happiness and truth?  I'll tell you but with as little punctuation as possible and maybe a few spelling errors because that's art that's ART and I'm writing a show with my friend Jake.  Jake is here.  Jake is talented.  Jake is my friend.  Jake and I are writing a show together but now I am avoiding punctuation.  Jake is not sick.  Jake is going on a date.  Jake is not me.  Jake is not my imaginary friend.  Jake is a real person.  Wait.  I forgot to link him.  PAUSE.  There.  Jake is linked.  WAIT.  That is not Jake.  That is another man with the same name.  Now I look even more like a raving maniac.  Here's a life lesson for you never care what other people think it's a mold it's a rust that attaches itself to your art the best advice I ever got about art was from David Foster Wallace (WHAT!?  Now I look even more raving and suicidal or something weird like that.  Don't worry, mom.  I am quite the opposite.)  Anyway the advice the advice the advice is to write from the part of you that loves a thing, not the part of you that wants to be loved.  See it?  See it?  Good.  Now you see the punctuation, too.  Like Robin Williams in Peter Pan, you see what you need to see just in time to see it and you can fly and rescue your children.  Who wrote THAT script?  Me.  No not me.  Guionista.  That's who. HERE.  Is this . . . is this my friend I'm not even sure.  I have to go back and link that PAUSE.  I'm amazed I can write this much go this long full of uninhibited thought without writing about yes indeed i didn't type it i didn't write about it how long do you think it took me to write this much in my blog probbly about 1 minutes no not 1 minutes 14 minutes no not 14 15 that's it i'll type it out fifteen minutes now the snot in my nose is beginning to unclog i feel like the ending of a staggering work of heartbreaking fiction you know what i mean maybe i will go start chicago 826 or something along those lines chicago 826.  yes sir.  chicago 826.  but it's not just here.  it's all over not just hear.  not an eye but an i not to but too but two i can do third grade math all this way into my life and i can do two things injest typhoid on an empty stomach and do third grade math.  and english.  oh and i know the word guionista, though i'm not sure i know how to spell it.  here are five ways to say even if in spanish incluso si aun que bien que por mas que and siquiera.  AMAZING.  Wait.  I need to go back and link something amazing.  See how order comes out of choas>?  I'm not ficing that.  Or that.  This is the life of the mind.  One second though.  I WILL link that for you.  I will write for you.  I will write from the part of me that wants to be loved.  But only for a moment, that.  for some reaosn the image linked above comes up when i google "something amazing" you can figure that out without quotation marks can't you i bet you could PAUSE ok no rule no gnu rule no new rule no punctuation that's almost oops a spanish word too putuacion means a test score did you know that no know no know no no know no know punctuation i worry that you worry about me when you read this but that is the joy of writing from the part of you that loves use zinc within like 24 hours of onset man otherwise that colds going to kick your ascot kick it hard will i continue should i continue with this stream of consciousness entry will it end when ive written for exaclty thirty minutes see here is an important statement about art never never never never never worry too much about creating something worthwhile every every every every every time you write write write right rite who the hell spell sit right spell sit write set did you know set has more definitions than any word in the english language i hope you read that if yooull yewl yule be playing any stump trivia in the near future or maybe in the nar past maybe they already used that question set did i ever go back and link up what needed to be linked  shit i just typed a quesiton mark dont worry i erased it but not now now this entry is blemished this entry is broken this entry is roto because never really it was broken from the beginning because in it is only the raw materials and here is my mind making something from nothign and hoping that your mind dear reader dear here come the quotation marks "like"r will do the same and that you will find some entertainment value in the nudity of this piece of these words of symboles letterspixel s pickles pickuls spread next to one another isnt that all this is oh thats so deep thats so art thats so meaningful i should eat a hot dog and go straight strait to bed thats the advice ive often been given i wsih i could type this quickly and fluently in spanish i have friends who work at groupon did you KNOW THAT did i ever pause did i ever go back did i ever correct will you like it if i just type and type nw you're thinking of this means nothing oops hes wasting my time but i know no one is reading this far nyway and if you are you cant possibly still hav any expectation whatsoever of it meaning anything have you followed this blog this far this long instead of just going out and watching daniel day leiws in lincoln now that is something people are raving about raiving a boot that is a complete process this the raw materials the waste matter the fecal matter they have no place in the artistic world they have no journey a journey begins with a single step i am better at spanish than i was seven years ago once id din't speak a wink  speak a wink is that the correct expresion i stopped using double letter sin english because they basically never appear in spanish maybe not at all im really not sure maybe only in anglicisms if thats the right word angel schisms i could use one of those right now but no im not sad i am not wrting this entry because i am sad or anything is wrong this entry is going out to the world because it is raw because it bounces cheerily back and forth over the line because every body poops everybody poos everybody poops everybody poos everybody poops everybody poos it straddles the line what a cliche expression between fecal matter and high art between a blog entry and a journel entry between entertainment well no it doesnt have mch to offer in the wy  of entertainme tunless yo are entertained deare 'like"r deer liker deer licker by typos.  by picels.  by the returna nd disappearance of punctuation.  puntuacion.  get it do you see it yet it is ever so clear and simple after a few drinks ever so clear but that is not what is going on this entry entree that is not there are no ddrinks drugs laughter food or snacks even i dont even have a snack or a fever i guessi just though i woul do this and here i am trying to write the part that loves but always always the part that wants to be loved will get in the way will play a part and maybe that is for the best four the best dont you think isnt that what happens next isnt that the next piece of the puzzle isnt that what it means ot be human?  to POOP?  I AM NOT LINKING ANYTHING TO THE WORD POOP.  PAUSE.  PAUSE.  PAUSE.  PAUSE.  PAUSE.  and thats where it ends.