Tuesday, August 21, 2012


Saturday, 8/18, 11:18 AM  Go.

Saturday, 8/18, 11:21 AM  Curtain.

Saturday, 8/18, 11:22 AM  Feeling.  (good)

Saturday, 8/18, 11:23 AM  Discussion.

Saturday, 8/18, 12:45 PM  Go.  (different go)

Saturday, 8/18, 12:46 PM  Discussion.  (more of the same)

Saturday, 8/18, 1:01 PM  Feeling.  (bad)

Saturday, 8/18, 1:02 PM  Discussion.  (more of the same)

Saturday, 8/18, 3:31 PM  Arrive.

Saturday, 8/18, 3:32 PM  Discussion.  (more of the same)

Saturday, 8/18, 3:35 PM  Discussion.  (same shit different face)

Saturday, 8/18, 3:41 PM  Feeling.  (bad)

Saturday, 8/18, 4:05 PM  Pork.  (bad)

Saturday, 8/18, 6:16 PM  Smoothie.  (good)

Saturday, 8/18, 7:20 PM  Gogol.  (no visible bordello)

Saturday, 8/18, 8:50 PM  Mumford. (no visible children)

Saturday, 8/18, 9:11 PM  Feeling.  (good)

Sunday, 8/19, 2:22 AM  Dinner. 

Sunday, 8/19, 12:20 PM  Morning.  (afternoon)

Sunday, 8/19, 12:21 PM  Rest.

Sunday, 8/19, 8:59 PM  Nothing.

Sunday, 8/19, 11:48 PM  Discussion.  (new)

Monday, 8/20, 9:18 AM  Nothing.

Monday, 8/20, 11:31 AM  Email.  (insights)

Monday, 8/20, 5:12 PM  Nothing.

Monday, 8/20, 6:06 PM  Chat.  (insights)

Monday, 8/20, 7:15 PM  Nothing. 

Monday, 8/20, 8:11 PM  Nothing.

Monday, 8/20, 8:50 PM  Feeling.  (intense)

Tuesday, 8/21, 1:22 AM  Nothing. 

Tuesday, 8/21, 9:32 AM  Email.  (insights)

Tuesday, 8/21, 9:33 AM  Nothing.

Tuesday, 8/21, 10:25 AM  Nothing.

Tuesday, 8/21, 10:47 AM  Nothing.

Tuesday, 8/21, 11:17 AM  Connection.  (insights)

Tuesday, 8/21, 11:24 AM  Nothing.

Tuesday, 8/21, 11:28 AM  Pork.  (good)

Tuesday, 8/21, 1:22 PM  Pool.  (great)

Tuesday, 8/21, 6:21 PM  Rejection.  (nothing)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Out of the Closet

I've been hiding something.  During all of this conspicuous silence for the last two weeks, I've been writing non-stop, but not in this blog.  Instead, I've been doing some serious soul searching, looking inward for answers about who I am in my deepest parts.  I've been making progress in bringing the real me to the surface, but I've kept that progress well under wraps. 

Until tonight.  Tonight, I was biking through Boystown when I realized I needed to admit my innermost thoughts and feelings to the world.  Below is my best attempt to do so, though I must admit, it's all still very unclear to me and may remain so for quite a while.  In the simplest possible terms:

I've felt different than everyone else for as long as I can remember--my whole life, I guess. Even when I moved out of the South and into New England, when I started finding people who were "like me," the whole me still just didn't fit somehow.  Then I moved to Chicago, and I started noticing people that made me feel, well, funny inside.  It wasn't attraction, really, or even kinship, but rather a funny sort of half-belonging, a hunch even, an intuition that perhaps one day, ultimately, I might have a home here. 

I guess all of this is to say that I think I might be--or might could be, anyway--a Neo-Futurist. I might in fact already, on the inside, be more Neo-Futurist than non-Neofuturist, anyway.  I'm just not sure.  I need to do more soul-searching. 

Specifically, I need to soul search this Saturday at 11:18 AM CST in front of the current Neo-Futurist ensemble.  And then think a little more and maybe panic a little and definitely, like with any situation, hope that it all works out for the best. 

Anyway, if I'm writing down what it's like to be "regular," then I have to admit here that I'm, well, I'm in the dark, and I'm scared, I guess.  Something like scared.  "Scared shitless" is maybe a better term for it.  It's a hard feeling to put into words.

Wait.  Nope.  No, it's not.  Scared shitless was just about right.