Tuesday, March 4, 2014

So I Ate A Crocodile

For the second time in the last six months, the press has written unfairly about me.  This time it’s more than just the Chicago Reader.  It’s USA Today, the BBC, the Huffington Post, the Brisbane Times*.  None of them asked me for my side of the story, or an interview, nor did they request permission to use my image.  I’m striking back. 

For those of you wondering what I’ve been up to since early January, there is a lot to sum up.  First, I left Chicago for Boston, where I substitute taught-acted for three weeks for the organization Urban Improv.  That was back when I was a working artist.  Boston was fulfilling, but I knew I needed more.  I needed to grow and change.  I needed to dig in to my true self. 

So, in early February, I went to Costa Rica.  That was more enriching.^  Casting myself out into Nature was good for me, and I began to build basic survival skills.  I began to get back in touch with my true self, the part so often buried under elaborate socialization.  I shook hands with my heart of darkness in the shadow mirror of jungle life.^^

It still wasn’t enough.  So, yesterday, I turned myself into a python.  Then, I flew to Australia via Chicago.**  Then, I ate a crocodile. 

What’s the big deal? 

This is exactly what it’s like to be an almost-famous artist.  Everyone has an opinion on everything you do.  Even when I sit down to have a meal, someone wants to tell me how long I had to fight for it, how easy it was to sneak up on, even how long I’m likely to be full.  Can’t I have a meal without somebody turning it into an article, a youtube video, a media frenzy?  Can’t I have a few hours to eat a crocodile? 

Frankly, I’m done with this thing people call “civilization.”  Tomorrow, I’m going to fly somewhere else and turn into some other species.  Right after I digest this thing. 

USA Today, BBC, Huffington Post, Brisbane Times, etc:  You’ll be hearing from my agent.  He’s an armadillo in Panama.  And before you ask:  Yes, he’s nocturnal.


* media behemoth

^ Who needs an artistic career when you can have a kitchen full of roaches, a backyard full of poisonous snakes, and the chance to clear out spiderwebs with your face? 

^^ Still got it!

** Sorry I didn’t call while I was in town.  I’m a python.  

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