The Road to Fame, Day One: Me vs George Clooney
In its (less than) 24 hours of existence, my celebrity alter ego on facebook has collected 13 like-rs (12 like-rs, plus me. If you don't like yourself, who will?). At this rate, I am 53,004.75 days from equaling George Clooney in that regard. Mark March 21, 2155 in your planner (at around 6:10 pm). The sound you will hear will be me surpassing George Clooney in the facebook.com "liking" game.
Did I write "game?" I meant "competition."
George Clooney probably doesn't know that we're in a competition. After all, it's hardly a fair fight. Look at the numbers:
GC: 636,057 (Right now. This number may change as people defect to my side of the facebook fence.)
Me: 13 (I'm counting myself. George Clooney and I both like ourselves, so it evens out.)
FILM AND TELEVISION APPEARANCES
GC: 64 (I'm not counting "The American," because I don't think it qualifies as a film, but I'm counting "3 Kings" and "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou" one-and-a-half times each.)
Me: 1/2 (I did an online commercial this summer for nasuni.com.)
GC: None that I know of.
Me: A gentlemen does not kiss and tell!*
TIME SPENT BEING REGULAR:
GC: 4 years, 11 months, 30 days (imdb.com tells me that George was already visiting his famous father's studio at age 5)
Me: 31 years, 6 months, 3 days (so far)
In case it's unclear, fame is like wine or homosexuality. The longer you keep it bottled up, the better it gets when you let it out.
Which brings me to:
Me: 31 and 1/2
This is the wild card. George Clooney is at the top of his roller coaster hill. He has been in "the industry" for 44 years. Me? I'm just now getting in line for the ride. (Boy, this is a long line. And it's hot. Maybe I'll go get some ice cream.) By the time I get to the top, old G.C.'s going to be doing a loop-to-loop, looking back over his shoulder at me (or straight ahead, depending on whether or not he's upside-down), witnessing my meteoric approach. You know what he's going to think when he sees me?
He's going to wish he never started this competition.