Remember when I first got distracted by a toe? Yeah, that was a long time ago.
Remember when I said I would update about said toe (and my reaction to it) in 5-7 days? Yeah, I didn't. (I'm sure you've all been holding your breath.)
You know why? In the words of a wise professor I had back in the Your-dreams-will-come-true-if-you-only-really-believe Land (aka college), "Everything takes longer than it does." And it has.
Okay, to simplify: The toe story is still around. Why? Because college basketball season, you may have noticed, is still around. Actually, it's ending (or, for 90% of the population, beginning). But it's taking its time about it.
And it's killing me.
Every artist has his vice. Tennessee Williams' was drugs. Janis Joplin's was drugs. John Bonham's was drugs. Okay, so it's pretty much always drugs.
Except for in my case. In my case, it's round and brown and it bounces back up to your shoulder if properly inflated. And it shouldn't be made of rubber. Come on, people. Rubber? That's kickball.
Speaking of distraction . . .
So, all over the country, the laws against gambling have been temporarily suspended. People are throwing money at pool managers and hoping that their "bracket" (a term suddenly used outside of hardware stores and garages) will win them prestige, honor, and cash.
Not me. I know my bracket will win me prestige, honor and cash. I'm so certain of it, in fact, that I'm spending an unfortunate number of hours each day researching.* It will pay off.
Okay, judge me if you must. But know this: I can quit researching any time I want to. And in the meantime, the research is good for me. Don't believe me? Here are the top ten reasons why, despite how it may seem, the practice of watching college basketball benefits my artistry:
10. It keeps me in touch with my native southern culture, which is important for any artist.
9. It provides me (and millions of others) with 18-22 year old avatars through whom I can live out my fantasies of drama and heroism. And fantasizing is basically being creative.
8. The squeaking of shoes is very similar to the rhythm of good dramatic dialogue.
7. CBS Sports offers $10,000 for a perfect bracket. What artist couldn't use $10,000?
6. Player names make great character names in movie scripts. The hero of my screenplay is now named "Jimmer Walker." (Look it up.)
5. The resultant motion-sickness is like an LSD trip, and we've already established that great artists do drugs.
4. He shoots, he scores!
3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
I'm sorry. I lost my train of thought.
(For the record, reason #10 has a 44% chance of upsetting reason #7. Bet on it.)
* some people call it "watching college basketball"