Thursday, June 30, 2011

I Am (f)amous Now

In case the title of this post threw you, and you are fretting for the future of this blog, don't worry.  Fame doesn't happen overnight.  Scientifically speaking, it happens in thirteen steps, and I've only uncovered six of them.  I purposefully used the "little f" famous instead of the "big F" Famous in the title of this post, because I have not yet reached my goal of worldwide notoriety.  I have, however, conquered one city.  

The wonderful thing about being a writer (/actor) is that you can do it from afar.  You don't have to mingle with pretentious directors and foul-smelling actors.  (Don't get me started on technicians.)  You just type words into computers and people say them on a stage.  It's a wonderful non-living. 

That being the case, as I lounge in Southern California, my words, two dozen highly talented and underappreciated artists, and the press corps are doing my work for me.  Check it out:

The Boston Herald

The Boston Phoenix

The Boston Metro / The Boston Globe

The show was also mentioned on WBUR and on Fox 25 today.  Those channels haven't entered the inter-age at the appropriate pace, so I can't provide a link.

What am I to do with this newfound (little f) fame?  The answer is simple: exploit it at all costs!

There must be some way that, after staying completely uninvolved for months, I can sweep in at the last minute and steal the spotlight from dozens of people who have worked harder than I have to make me look good, thereby turning (f)ame into (F)ame!  Right? (Please, no one in the show read this.)

I have a few ideas.

1) I could catch a last-minute flight back to Boston, then leap on stage at the very end of the show, juggle bowling balls with my buttocks, and bow.

Except that it's already almost 7:00 in Boston.  I'll never make it, and my time machine is broken.

2) I could skype my way in and introduce myself to roves of applauding fans and potential "like"-ers.

Except that those rascals who are actually performing the show will do everything they can to thwart my stealing their spotlight, so they probably won't want to help me out by setting up a laptop on their end.

3) I could start internet rumors that I'm not actually in Southern California, and that I'm going to be playing the role of Charlie tonight.

Which I just did.

4) I could hire a pilot to fly by with a banner reminding everyone just who half-wrote this show and who is therefore solely responsible for everything funny, poignant, or sexy that happens in it.

Except that I am not yet Famous.

5) I could miss the boat on being in Boston today and settle for turning (f)ame to (F)ame the long way.

This idea is the most ridiculous of the five ideas, but I'm going to have to give it a shot.  After all, I'm sure there's some precedent for a years-long process that began in Boston (perhaps with "giving it a shot") and spread through the world.  Maybe something involving T? 

It's not worth trying to think of one right now.  I have a time machine to repair. 

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