It's been a big week. Like, a blockbuster week. And this kind of week can only be summed up one way: by mangling adorable quotations from the most quotable movie of all time into self-centered versions of their former selves. Here goes:
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Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I in this blog? Where is Buttercup?
Inigo: Let me explain. (rethinking) No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup was married to Sean Penn for a little over twice a decade. All we have to do now is forget about her broken-up wedding, help some guy get famous, change our words accordingly, then let him go to sleep . . . after I kill Count Rugen.
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Vizzini: You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha . . . (falls over and starts working in a haunted house)
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Westley: Give us an audition slot.
Second City: We have no audition slot.
Inigo: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Gatekeeper: Oh, you mean this audition slot.
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Inigo: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black: And what is that?
Inigo: I . . . was accepted into the Second City Conservatory!
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Westley: What are the three terrors of Navy Pier? One, Oktoberfest. No problem. There's a "v" sound preceding each "w" word; we can avoid that. Two, the early mornings, which--you were stupid enough to discover what those are like, so in the future we can ask for those off, too.
Buttercup: Westley, what about the T.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Tourists Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist. (as he is mauled by a giant Midwestern tourist rat)
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Inigo: It's very strange. I've been in the novel-writing business so long. Now that it's done, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
Westley: Have you ever considered being human again? You'd make a wonderful John Michael Manship.
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This blog entry will be available this summer on Beta and VHS.
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