Monday, October 10, 2011

Hello. My Name is John Michael Manship. You're Reading my Blog. Prepare to Sigh.

It's been a big week.  Like, a blockbuster week.  And this kind of week can only be summed up one way:  by mangling adorable quotations from the most quotable movie of all time into self-centered versions of their former selves.  Here goes:


Westley: Who are you?  Are we enemies?  Why am I in this blog?  Where is Buttercup? 

Inigo: Let me explain.  (rethinking) No, there is too much.  Let me sum up.  Buttercup was married to Sean Penn for a little over twice a decade.   All we have to do now is forget about her broken-up wedding, help some guy get famous, change our words accordingly, then let him go to sleep . . . after I kill Count Rugen. 


Vizzini:  You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia."  But only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha . . . (falls over and starts working in a haunted house) 


Westley: Give us an audition slot.

Second City:  We have no audition slot.

Inigo: Fezzik, tear his arms off.

Gatekeeper: Oh, you mean this audition slot.


Inigo: I admit it, you are better than I am.

Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?

Inigo: Because I know something you don't know.

Man in Black: And what is that?

Inigo: I . . . was accepted into the Second City Conservatory!


Westley: What are the three terrors of Navy Pier?  One, Oktoberfest.  No problem.  There's a "v" sound preceding each "w" word; we can avoid that.  Two, the early mornings, which--you were stupid enough to discover what those are like, so in the future we can ask for those off, too.

Buttercup: Westley, what about the T.O.U.S.'s?

Westley: Tourists Of Unusual Size?  I don't think they exist.  (as he is mauled by a giant Midwestern tourist rat)


Inigo: It's very strange.  I've been in the novel-writing business so long.  Now that it's done, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.

Westley: Have you ever considered being human again?  You'd make a wonderful John Michael Manship.


This blog entry will be available this summer on Beta and VHS. 

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