It's been about four months, and I'm starting to adapt to the Chicago lifestyle. I now tell people directions by saying, "It's just cardinal direction of east / west street name on north / south street name." I've had two deep dish pizzas and even a "Chicago style" hot dog from a vendor near the "Shedd Aquarium" and the "Field Museum." I've cursed the weather. I've listened to Sweet Home Chicago on the radio.
I'm basically a real Chicagoan now.
There's only one problem.* Employment. See, most true Chicagoans have "jobs" in or near the city, and those "jobs" allow them to rent or own property, as well as to feed and clothe themselves. If I'm going to continue to fit in here, I'm going to need to do as the Romans** do.
My solution: I'm embracing my new city's dark and seedy past. First, I became a murderer. Then, I sent myself and all the shit I could manage to Saint Louis.^
Translation: Today, I got back from my first road trip with the Murder Mystery Company, and whereas I didn't make any actual mob hits or dump any actual bodies in their river*** down there, I did visit the toilet at least 8 times**** while on the trip. And I did enjoy the company of other actors and murderers, all of whom have been living here much longer than I have and somehow manage to afford food, shelter, and clothing.
Translation of the translation: I think there's a chance for me here.
Unnecessary reference: Theo Epstein has assembled his work team in Chicago, and I've begun to assemble mine.^^^^
-----------------------------------------
* I'm not speaking in regard to my current situation. I literally mean that there is . . . only . . . one . . . problem. Period.
** By "Romans," I literally mean people in Rome. However, since I've never been to Rome, I'm going to emulate Chicagoans instead.
^ In case you're unfamiliar, in the year 1900, the city of Chicago reversed the flow of the Chicago river, thereby sending a century of trash, waste, and dead bodies down to Saint Louis. I'm pretty sure this is how the Cubs / Cardinals rivalry began.
*** The Mississippi. Duh. Did you really need a footnote for that?
**** Not always #2! Gross!^^^
^^^ I eat veggies, but not that many veggies.
^^^^ I just wish it didn't take so many damn footnotes to assemble a team and communicate the fact that it's been assembled to the world.^^^^^
^^^^^ By "the world," I literally mean the entire world, the population of which, I am convinced, reads my blog on a "Daley"***** basis.
***** You get it.******
****** if you get Chicago*******
******* like I do!
No comments:
Post a Comment