Monkier Business

Next Monday, I will perform in the Paderewski School show with Barrel of Monkeys.*  I'm not sure I've ever been more excited about a performance.  There will be singing, interpretive dance, mimed doors and windows, and a big, big chocolate pie.  The only problem with this show: no one who reads this blog will be allowed in to see it.  It's for "the young."

Yes, unfortunately, "like"-rs, you're going to have to sit this one out.  I know, I know.  Well, okay, fine.  I'll throw you a bone.  Close your eyes and imagine me on stage, and I will share with you  . . .

THE TEN ROLES I AM MOST EXCITED TO PLAY IN THE UPCOMING PADEREWSKI SHOW

10) The back left portion of a tiger cage.  This one makes my arms tired.  Grrr.

9) The back left wing of a witch bird.  Wait a minute.  What is it with putting me in the back left?  

8) The back left singer in the closing song.  But in the end, I wind up downstage center.  Take that, patterns!

7) Carnival Zombie number two.  I enter from stage left.  Incidentally, this is the same kind of role I might end up playing if you help send me to Kansas.

6) Small Brother.  The title of the play is "Brother Give Money to Their Small Brother."  I wonder why I like this role. 

5) Parenthesis.  What is the singular of parenthesis?  I'm that. 

4) Disillusioned broccoli-and-milk-eater in "The King of Lunch."  Three cheers for the King of Lunch.  It's time for candy and fruit punch.  And every day, we'll feast away on Twix and Nestle Crunch.

3) Dwayne, the douchebag in the second episode of the original 90210.  Oh, I'm sorry. That's a different show. 

2) The man who imagines himself a football player.  That's all I'm telling you. 

1) Ashley, the little girl who comes every day into the Lincoln-Belmont branch of the Chicago Public Libraries and who, on this day, is hexed by the librarian, Steve.  Who knew he was a warlock?

I hope that gave all of you "adults" a little perspective into what the Paderewski School is in for on Monday.  If you're tantalized, but not "young," then I suggest getting a good kid costume and heading to South Lawndale around 9:30 AM.  You don't want to miss the pre-show math lesson.

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* Oops.  What have I done?  I must have accidentally linked to the Barrel of Monkeys blog instead of the Barrel of Monkeys main page.  Hey, wait.  Who is this handsome devil blogging over there?  He writes a lot like I do.