Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Blair Witch Entry

The following journal was found scrawled in blood on my computer screen.  I have typed it here as best I can decipher.  The handwriting at the end gets pretty awful.


12/26, 12:01 AM . . . Christmas Day has ended beautifully!  Despite having to leave my parents' house earlier than expected to avoid a snowstorm, I had a beautiful day and arrived safely in New York.  Having received presents in abundance, I was forced to mail my bounty home to Boston, where it will meet me upon my return from the isle of Hispaniola!  I have here with me a tupperware of leftovers from Christmas and some Bojangles biscuits that I bought at the Charlotte airport. I'm looking forward to eating them tomorrow.  Good night!

12/26 12:02 AM . . . That's odd.  My room has no refrigerator. 

12/26 12:06 AM . . . I've constructed a makeshift refrigerator from some ice, a plastic bag and the bathroom trash can.  Satisfied that my food will keep, I'm going to sleep.

12/26 1:57 AM . . . Almost 2 AM.  Can't sleep.  Strange haunting feeling that this is all going to go terribly wrong.  Oh well.  I'm sure it will pass. 

12/26 9:22 AM . . . Just returned from breakfast.  Managed one of the last pieces of sausage before the breakfast bar was closed promptly at 9 AM.  Wanted a waffle, but the line was too long for the waffle maker. Still a little hungry. I wonder if that forebodes anything.  Probably not. 

12/26 12:49 PM . . . I've reheated my Christmas leftovers, and they look delicious.  Not going to eat them all at once, though.  Instead, I will ration them so I don't have to eat out while I'm here. 

12/26 1 PM . . . I've eaten all of my Christmas leftovers.

12/26 1:12 PM . . . Delta has canceled my flight for tomorrow morning to the island of Hispaniola.  Looks like I'm here for a little longer.  At least I had time to write a funny blog post.  And I reserved my hotel room for another night on, so I'll have some place to stay while I figure out what's going on with Delta.  No complaints here!

12/26 1:14 PM . . . The Delta web site is unresponsive, like it's getting a lot of hits or something.  I wonder what's going on outside. 

12/26 1:15 PM . . . Delta isn't answering their phone.  Is there something I should know about? 

12/26 1:16 PM . . . Just got word from Jolizabeth, my traveling companion, that her bus has broken down in Connecticut.  At an Arby's.  No news on when they'll be moving again. Also, she tells me it's snowing outside.

12/26 1:17 PM . . . My God.  It is snowing outside.  The snowstorm found me.  I don't know how, but it found me!

12/26 3:45 PM . . .Took the airport shuttle to JFK and back.  Talked to a very nice ticket man, who helped me rebook my Delta flight for Tuesday morning.  Jolizabeth called, said the bus is fixed.  She's moving again.  All should be well now, as I'm sure the snow will clear up any moment. 

12/26 3:47 PM . . . Jolizabeth called.  She's sitting in heavy traffic and may not arrive until 6 pm.  Well, what's an vacation without some adversity . . . right? 

12/26 6:13 PM . . . Jolizabeth called.  She has reached Manhattan!  I'm going to go meet her there.  Wow, the snow is really falling out there. 

12/26 6:14 PM . . . The front desk informs me with a laugh that, no, you can't walk to the metro from here.  A cab ride is the only option, which would require a significant tariff.  I guess I'm staying here until Jolizabeth arrives.  You can check out, but you can't ever leave, right?  Ha.  Ha ha.  Ha?  Stomach rumbling.  Going to order some food for delivery instead of going out.  That way, I can have it waiting for Jolizabeth.  

12/26 6:54 PM  . . . I've been calling places that deliver food.  None of them will come here.  Carry-out only.  Beginning to wonder how I'll eat tonight.  

12/26 7:11 PM . . . Jolizabeth called.  She's now at the end of the A-line, only two miles from here.  I didn't tell her about the food. 

12/26 7:12 PM . . . Jolizabeth called.  Apparently, the AirTrain at the airport isn't running, but there's bus service to make up for it.  She should be here shortly.  

12/26 7:33 PM . . . A glimmer of false hope.  I was told there was a Burger King within walking distance.  Venturing outward, I found this to be a lie.  A cold, cold lie.  There is nothing near here.  Nothing but 50 mph winds and barren highway.  

12/26 7:37 PM . . . Jolizabeth called.  The bus just threw her out at the long term parking lot, JFK airport, promising another bus to come.  The snow is really coming down now. 

12/26 9:31 PM . . . DEAR GOD HAVE YOU NO MERCY!  Jolizabeth called.  She is still at long-term parking, one stop away from where the hotel shuttle picks up, under normal conditions.  If only . . . Wait.  Not that it matters, because the hotel shuttles are stuck in the snow.  

12/26 10:02 PM . . . Calling taxi companies.  They won't even answer their phones.  The shuttle drivers are booking rooms and hunkering down for the night.  Even the front desk is ignoring me.  Beginning to think Jolizabeth might die out there. 

12/26 10:16 PM . . . Jolizabeth called!  She is saved!  

12/26 10:34 PM . . . Jolizabeth arrived.  She looks terrible, and I am working to revive her.  Together, we ate some leftover pizza scraps two British Oxfam workers gave us.  Half-eaten crust never tasted so good, and I won't ignore those Oxfam collectors on the street ever again. 

12/27 8:36 AM . . . Morning.  Next door, a child is screaming.  22 hours until we leave this frozen hell hole. 

12/27 9:02 AM . . . Managed a waffle and some fake eggs and cheese at today's breakfast, which was significantly more tense than yesterday's.  Most of the meager breakfast bar had been grabbed by 8:30, and the staff isn't restocking.  In fact, right now, they're unstocking.  People are clinging to their waffle batter and tap water like I cling to my mini-muffin.  A tall black man is complaining that people have to eat.  He is correct.  My stomach grumbles, even post-waffle.  An uprising may begin. 

12/27 9:17 AM . . . Checked with the front desk on my reservation for tonight.  It's not in the hotel's computer.  I don't have a room for tonight!  3 hours to fix this problem before the hotel kicks me out in the cold.  First food, now shelter.  I'm wondering when we'll run out of air.  My stomach grumbles again.  

12/27 11:55 AM . . . Just fought with for over an hour . . . over a discount hotel rate, too . . . almost exhausted the last of my energy . . . but I have a room for tonight . . . feeling feeble . . . need vegetables . . . fruit . . . looking hard at the chimichangas you can buy in the vending machine here . . . if they're not sold out . . .

1:07 PM . . .  Local news reports that the JFK airport has run out of food.  That's good, because I was entertaining thoughts of pillaging it.  Why do I feel so . . . basic?

2:07 PM . . . Jolizabeth uses the phone.  The phone laughs in Jolizabeth face.  No deliver food.  Room spinning.

3:30 PM . . . Where am I?

3:33 PM . . . Jolizabeth say food come soon.  No believe. 

4:00 PM . . . Where food?

4:22 PM . . . Nice man come from India.  Bring spicy spinach.  Tomorrow Ra bring me big metal bird.

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