Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Leave me alone, beach!

LEAVE ME ALONE!  If you want to mess with me, you come through me first!  

How dare you bother me, after all I've been through?  All you people care about is readers and making money off of me.  I'M A HUMAN!

What you don’t realize is that I am making you all this money, and all you do is write a bunch of crap about me.  All you people want is more more more more more.  Leave me alone!  

You’re lucky I even performed for you.  LEAVE ME ALONE!  Please.  

. . .

There.  I'm glad I got that off my chest.  

If it matters, I'm at the beach.  Yes, the beach.  I'M BEING AN ORDINARY HUMAN BEING AT THE BEACH IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU?? 

I won't tell you which beach*, and you won't ever find me.  But it's beautiful here.  JUST ORDINARY AND BEAUTIFUL IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU??

I won't be updating about agents or manuscripts or omens or writing anything, ANYTHING about George Clooney or his many, many, many, many "like-rs".  I've had enough.  ENOUGH IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU??  I NEED A FEW DAYS OFF IS THAT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU??

You people really don't get it.  When I put my private business out there, like on a blog or on youtube or every major news network, and I ask people to care about everything, EVERYTHING I do--I'm not giving you all permission to nudge about in my affairs!  THEY'RE MY AFFAIRS!  NOT YOURS!

All I ask is that I work when I want to work and don't when I don't, that I be rewarded extravagantly for just walking into a room, and that people adore me when I want to be adored and LEAVE ME ALONE WHEN I FEEL LIKE BEING LEFT ALONE!

Read my mind, assholes.  It's because of people like you that I've gone crazy and shaved my head. 

I have to sign off now.  The ocean breeze is intruding on my well-deserved privacy.  I'm going to go shout at it.  

. . .



  1. *Myrtle Beach, SC. Please come find me.

  2. LOL, have a Happy Thanksgiving, Mike! Watch out for hidden cameras in the turkey!