Hi. Come here often? If so, excuse me. I didn't recognize you. If not, please stay a while. My regular readers* will tell you how good I am to them.
For example . . .
Around Labor Day, I started an ongoing feud with George Clooney (717,413 "like"-rs). If that weren't enough, around Halloween, I opened a regular segment tracing the omens in my life that are foreboding my fame. Interspersed, I've shared invaluable insight into the process of failing to get published. What more could you ask for?
Well, for those of you who are pagans (i.e. non-Christians), you probably don't know that last Sunday was the first Sunday of the advent. Translation for you: that means it's almost Christmas. I'm feeling giving again.
Announcing a new regular segment on my soon-to-be-famous blog!!!!!!!!!!!
My Celebrity Icons. Part One.
Through this segment, I will act as an intermediary between the not-famous and the already-famous. It is, after all, my temporary place in this world. I will bring my regular readers* brief portraits of already-famous people you might not know much about. That way, you'll all* get a glimpse into what I will be like when I am famous, and you can start preparing now for the change. Plus, in the meantime, you'll know who my heroes are.
My first celebrity icon is...
Professional football player Stevie Johnson!!!!!!!! (Yay!!!!!!!!!!!)
Stevie Johnson plays for the Buffalo Bills!!!!!!! He has 59 receptions (should be 60) for 796 yards (could be 836) so far this season. He earns $388,380 a year in salary!!!!! People would love to be him. Most importantly, he writes things like this on Twitter after he drops important passes:
"I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO..."
Is he your hero yet? He's mine. I mean, how many people do you know who have God following them on twitter? WTF, RT?, THX THO...
I'm shaking my head in amazement. I want to be like Stevie. Goodbye MJ, hello SJ.
Here is a tweet I just sent to the agent who rejected me yesterday:
"I GAVE YOU MY MANUSCRIPT!!!!! AND YOU TOLD ME YOU WERENT EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THE CHARACTERS!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST TAKE THAT??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! YOU WERE VERY NICE TO READ IT LETS NOT FIGHT..."
I feel better!!!!!!!
I'll be doing everything like Stevie Johnson from now on. So don't throw me any important passes (I'm looking at you, Ryan Fitzpatrick).
^unless you're an agent who does, in which case, go football!