Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My Blog is Not About My Butt

Like any great thinker, I am occasionally mocked. 

For example, I humbly and sincerely, upon the creation of this blog, specified that its* purpose is to record what it's* like to be "regular" before I forget.  Some of you have tried to turn this noble intention into some kind of poop joke.  Well, I have news for you.  

My blog is not about sh*t. 

I specifically chose the word "regular" over words like "normal," "average," "typical," and "mundane" (especially "mundane") because these words listed above refer to a person's innate and inherent qualities.  A "normal," "average," "typical" or "mundane" person is "normal," "average," "typical," or "mundane" by their very nature.  It is a personality flaw (or, more likely, a series of personality flaws), if they even have a personality to begin with, and it is their fault for being that way.  This being the case, these personality-oriented adjectives (which don't apply to me) could only be shed through character building, through socialization, through "self-work," and I simply wouldn't have the time for that (if these adjectives did apply to me, which they don't).

The word "regular," on the other hand, refers not to my personality, but to my caste, to my wealth, to my unfairly denigrated standing in the eyes of George Clooney (and his fans), and implies that society's failure to recognize me is absolutely not my fault (which it's not).  It is easily shed by a sudden change in the social order, and since this is the United States, such changes to the social order happen all the time.

All of that being said, I think you'll agree that "regular" is the better choice in describing my current predicament.  But if you still think "regular" is funny, just wait.  Upon my arrival at the top, I intend to shed the word "regular" as quickly as, well, an easy trip to the toilet, not to work it off like, well . . . a much longer trip to the toilet. 

But I still intend to be as regular as possible.  I hope that makes sense.  

In summary, fame and the toilet have nothing to do with one another.

*Hey, I used "its" and "it's" correctly!

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