Here is some new polling I didn't make up:
"Nearly half of voters who favored GOP control of Congress said their feelings reflected a vote of protest against the Democrats." Yes! Perfect! Huzzah! Woohoo! Yes! Thank God at least half of voters still get American politics.
But maybe you're not one of them, so let me explain what you don't get.
See, 2 years ago we did this to the Republicans. We told them their clothes looked funny, and their hair was bad, and they were a bunch of scared white boys, and we wanted nothing to do with them. And it felt great. Man, did we show them. We elected so many Democrats that Republicans practically cried. Man, oh man. I mean, man. Do you know what it felt like? Do you know how silly those Republicans looked?
It felt great.
And do you know what it accomplished?
Nothing. But if that's what you care about, then you don't get American politics. I mean, at all. I'll have to explain some more:
The point has never been to actually change things (In fact, that is the opposite of the point.) The point is always to feel like we've changed things so we can walk around for a few months with our balls hanging out, high-fiving each other. Pennsylvania basically humps Ohio every two years, it's so excited about all the change we're making.
And now we get to feel that way again. And again two years after that. And again two years after that. We. Are. So. Lucky.
Okay, so maybe this isn't getting us anywhere as a country. Maybe we're not solving our most critical problems. Maybe we're coming across to the rest of the world as entitled teenagers who don't actually know what we want, but know that we don't want that. But -- do I have to say it again? THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF POLITICS!
So go vote Republican tomorrow, even if it doesn't reflect your values (Wait. These parties actually have platforms?). It's going to feel really good. Then, enjoy it for a few months, grow disgruntled, start complaining about out-of-touch politicians, and get angry again. Then vote Democrat in 2012. And Republican in 2014. Democrat 2016.
Man, it's going to be an awesome decade.
Just do me one favor. Whatever you do, don't go voting for some hippie shit. A) It'll ruin the fun for the rest of us, and B) That would be wasting your vote.