Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Nuclear Winter

"Obviously, Mr. Kessler got his way and [John Michael Manship is] about to go into the nuclear winter . . ."   - Commissioner David Stern

Too true, Mr Stern.  Too true.  And winter in Chicago this year is projected to be one of the worst in the United States.  Of course, they've been saying that since early October, and it's still 61 outside.  Still, we must look to the past to see the future, and we all know what comes next. 

It's fitting that I've recently been cast as Camillo in the State Theatre's "explosion" of The Winter's Tale, a play full of barrenness, bear chases, and death (and winter).  It's a non-paying gig, but what a cool idea, and what a great role.  What a great analogy, too, for my own existence: a man trying to do the right thing flees one kingdom for another*.  He lives in the new kingdom for sixteen years before anything else really happens . . .

Actually, forget I ever said it was analogous.  Let's try again.

You know what's a great analogy for my current existence?  It's something that a lot more people in the US are paying attention to than Shakespeare and small theatre.  You guessed it!**  The NBA lockout. 

That's right.  Nothing draws a crowd like a bunch of people not watching or playing basketball.

The NBA lockout is analogous to my life because I'm in the middle of my own contract negotiations (for what, I can't yet say, but it should be pretty obvious).  Like with the current NBA non-negotiations, if my negotiations flounder, my winter will be dark and long indeed, and a lot of people in Boston will be watching BU play instead of my players. 

I'm making back-up plans. First, I'm signing up for taskrabbit, who owes me about $5 million by now for all the word-of-mouth promotion I've been giving them.  Also, I'm submitting my headshot and resume to local casting agents.  A friend's brother here has earned about $170,000 in the last two years from residuals for a national commercial--and he doesn't even have an acting career or a pretentious blog.

Third, I plan to shamelessly promote my book^, which is on sale at a discount through November.

Fourth, I plan to make a lot of lists of things I should be doing instead of blogging.

If none of these things get me through the winter, I have plans to file an anti-trust lawsuit against the NBA.  If the players can do it, why can't I?  A trust is a trust, and I want to be able to go to a different league's games if I don't like the ones the NBA offers.  I have been emotionally compromised.

And if the lawsuit fails?  Well, I don't know.  I'll probably go outside in the 61 degree weather and play some basketball.  By myself.  With nobody watching.


* Wow.  Nice pic, chicagopropheticvoice.net.  I could go broke in a place like that.

** Sigh.  Unless you didn't, in which case, "Wrong.  It was the NBA lockout."  Has that joke gotten old yet?

^ And taskrabbit.com.  Pay up, bunny.

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