Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Third Omen: A Book

What did you get for Christmas?  I got some bedroom slippers, some warm socks, and a blanket knit by an alpaca.  Oh, and a tremendous burden (which is also an omen). 

Patti Smith--singer, songwriter, siren.  Her book is called Just Kids, and it was given to me by my mother.  What is it?  Here's from the back cover:

"USA $16.00"

Wait.  That probably doesn't tell you much.  Let's try the inside cover:

"A true fable, it is a portrait of two young artists' ascent, a prelude to fame."

Great.  There's a book -- a book that anybody with USA $16.00 can buy -- on how to get famous.  Not only that, it says right there in the front cover that it is, in fact, an omen.  Thanks, Patti Smith.  Way to open up the market. 
I have to do some damage control here.   It's lonely at the top, and I intend to keep it that way.

If You Own This Book: 

I'm sure many of you already own this book.  It is, after all, a New York Times bestseller and a National Book Award winner.  If so:

1) kindly cross out the part that says "a prelude to fame," then don't read the book


2) send the book to me (without reading it)

If You Don't Own This Book:

You never will, because I am in the process of buying every remaining copy.

If You Are My Mother:

Thank you for giving me this omen, thereby making me aware of my responsibility to remove it from the eyes of others.  You have given me both a great gift and a great responsibility.  Also, thank you for the chocolate pecan pie recipe and the warm socks.

I can't discuss the book any further here for fear of angering my non-Patti-Smith sponsors, which could then lead to a wide-reaching web-pact (that's web-speak for "impact") or web-alanche (web speak for "deep impact").   Let me instead sum up the omens so far and get back to shopping (like crazy) on amazon.com.

1. My Zeitgeist Stage check
2. I Burned My Face
3. A Book
4. ??
5. ??
6. ??
7. ??
8. ??
9. ??
10. ??
11. ??
12. ??
13. probably a giant check

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