Monday, October 18, 2010

The Cold Clooney Consequence

I'm sure you've been following the me vs George Clooney competition as closely as I have.

Your house is filled with stacks of notebooks (and George Clooney biographies), all covered in detailed notes on just what the actor is up to and how it will affect his popularity.  You're staring at The Men Who Stare At Goats.  You're considering robbing a casino to get yourself into the news.  You're staying up from dusk 'til dawn and tiring out your good wrist in the process (writing in those old-fashioned notebooks does a number on the forearms). 

Some of my new like-rs are thinking right now, "What are you talking about?"  Don't worry, new like-rs.  Unlike GC, I will care for you.  So . . . playing catch-up for those of you who haven't been with me since day 1:

As of September 29, 2010 - the day after I started my own "like"-able facebook page -- George Clooney had 636,057 facebook lik-ers.  I had 13.  At that point, I declared war.  Immediately, the numbers jumped in my favor.  Here's what it looked like 24 hours later (this is for everyone now):

GC: 636,057 like-rs (I didn't look, but I assume he stayed put.)
Me: 36 like-rs (!!!)

I nearly tripled my like-rs, and GC?  Well.  Bump on a log.  Some "career."  Probably too busy "filming."

Then came my three rejections.  And here's where things stand today.

GC: 661,090 (+25,033)
Me: 42 (+6)

Ouch.  It looks like those rejections took the momentum right out of my campaign.  It looks like it's time to give up.  I guess I've lost this competition.

If you are George Clooney, stop reading now.


HA!  (I hope I didn't write that too loud.)  Here is a secret for all of you non-GC -types.  

The fact is,  I'm playing possum.  Yes, you read that correctly (Unless you didn't.  It should read "I'm playing possum."  If that's not what you read, go back and read it again.  Now you've read that correctly.).

We all know that if I wanted to, I could continue to accumulate like-rs at an exponential rate.  But look what the arms race did to the Soviet Union.  It made them Communist. (Thanks to my publicly-educated rural NC friends for teaching me this.) 

So what am I really up to?  I'm letting George Clooney dig his own commie grave by building up arms (like-rs) until he, like the Soviet Union, turns black and white and red all over.  In the meantime, like a boutique agency, I'm keeping my clientele list small so that I can care about you all and stay "real" (until I get famous).  See how much I care?   I'm not just some numbers guy. 

Don't forget this.  

PS Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon and Conan O'Brien, please don't tell George about this secret part of my blog post.  You'll ruin everything. 

PPS It's still okay to "like" me on facebook.  I'm accepting new clients. 

PPPS And by the way, whichever one of you is outbidding me by 50 cents right now . . . please stop.  I only have $11 in my pocket given my recent rejections.  And I NEED to win something for my ego (did I mention the rejections?). 

PPPPS "You're welcome" for the tune in your head, link-clicker.

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