Saturday, October 2, 2010

Judgment Day

It is always nice to see your name in print.  Or, at the very least, words vaguely pertaining to you below a picture of you in a mouse costume.

I'd like to address the latter (minus the mouse costume).  You see, I was flipping through the best-selling book in the history of books today -- solely for the purpose of trying to find the acknowledgments and, thus, the name of the author's agent and publicist (!!!) -- when I came across this:

" . . . and another book was opened, which is the book [under consideration]: and [writers] were judged out of those things which were written, according to their work." - Revelation 20:12  (Originally, it said "the dead" where I put "writers," but God, if I am dead before anyone judges my work . . . you know what I mean?  What a downer.  No thank you.) 

Now, this book is familiar to me from my youth (and probably to you, too).  We used to dress up nice and read it in big groups inside old buildings on Sunday mornings.  Or someone would stand in the front and read it to us. (It doesn't really matter.  The point is:  this book is very, very popular, and it seems to have some connection to Sunday.)

Still following?  Here's one more juicy tidbit to make your jaw drop open :  as of this posting, today is Sunday.  Ready for more?  It is also the final 24 hours of my exclusivity agreement.  HA!

Coincidence?  Unlikely.  A more likely scenario?  Sometime today, someone is going to take my manuscript into an old building in front of lots of people and they're going to read it aloud.  Then they're going to contact me and tell me I have the best-selling book of all time. (I would even settle for second-best.).

I hope they don't put me on speaker phone when they do it.  Those old buildings are echo-y.

By the way, here's another excerpt from that (current) best-selling book:

"If anyone's name was not found written in the book, he was thrown into the lake of fire." - Revelation 20:15

Well, I can tell you whose names are written in my book.  Mine, and some characters I made up.  So unless you think I named a character after you, you may want to stay away from any lakes of fire tomorrow.  Trust me.

Oh, and if for some reason you doubt the sanity of this particular post, and you go read these verses for yourself to double check me, you really should continue on and read the stuff that comes next, too.  Not only is it really interesting, but I skimmed it, and it seems like it might be important.  Please let me know if it is.  I don't have time to worry about it right now.  I have to put on my "Sunday best" and wait for that echo-y phone call.

Judgment Day is here!

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