A friend of mine posted the following query on facebook.com today. (Some people just call it "facebook.")
"Writer friends: Do you actually LIKE the act of writing? The part where you have to get your ideas out on paper? And if not, how do you make yourself like it?" So far, there are 27 responses, all bemoaning the difficulty of being a writer and documenting the heroic struggle of people like me and millions of others as we valiantly overcome and . . . somehow . . . write . . . anyway.
Please. What is an artistic career compared to the difficulties of an ER doctor? A truck driver? A single mother?
But wait . . .
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Some poorly-woven backstory:
Starting in April 2010, I made a commitment to write every day, at least 30 minutes a day, until I get published (and ergo famous). I also committed myself to shipping out two query letters a week as part of the deal. After all, if a tree falls in the forest and all of that . . .
(Internal P.S. A query letter, for those who won't be famous soon, is a "do you want to read my book and maybe publish / represent it?" letter.)
This commitment has been fairly easy to keep. After all, my second bold move was to take this summer "off." That is, after working a summer job every year since I was 16, this summer I only took 3 weeks of paying work, and that was only for 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. It left me plenty of time to write, to market, to act, to frolic and to go broke.
Here is a short Choose-My-Own-Adventure Game for you to play. It documents this week's return to my "day job." I recommend a scrap sheet of paper. Here are your stats:
Query Speed: 1 You can finish one query letter per hour.
Gold pieces: 3 1 gold piece = 1 "earth dollar"
Movement Rate: to artistic job #1: 20
to artistic job #2: 25
to artistic job #3: 40
Hit Points: 40
Inventory: Cliff Bars (121 of them). These allow you to skip breakfast without penalty.
To WIN, finish the week without:
losing artistic job #1 (AC1)
losing artistic job #2 (AC2)
losing artistic job #3 (AC3)
losing your girlfriend
disappointing your parents
breaking your commitments to yourself (i.e. write 30 minutes each day and get 2 query letters done this week)
running out of hit points
If you fail at any of these things, your character is dead. Let's start easy.
Sunday, midnight. You can:
1) Sleep.
2) Stick thumbtacks in your eyes.
If you chose (2), lose 40 hit points. You can quit now if this is getting too difficult.
Monday, 8:15 AM. AC1 begins at 9 AM.
1) Get up and go to AC1: throwing teddy bears at children, which teaches them to get along. Lose 4 hit points from energy exertion.
2) Lose your amazingly fulfilling day job.
3) Quit now. Man, this blog is boring today.
Monday, 2 pm. AC1 ends. You are due at AC2 at 2:30. To get there, you must add your movement rate for AC1 (to get home, 20) to your movement rate for AC2 (to get from home to AC2, 25).
1) Cry. Lose 40 hit points.
2) Rush home, then to AC2 and try to be at your best. This involves eating PBJ on-the-go for lunch: lose 2 hit points. Lose another 4 hit points if you want to be present and keep your job at AC2.
3) Give up on doing artistic stuff and go watch tv. (By the way, you can't afford cable.)
Monday, 5 pm. AC2 ends.
You have no further artistic commitments for the day.
1) Head off to your first social commitment, a date with your lady. Gain 2 hit points.
2) Lose your girlfriend. Didn't you read the rules?
Monday, midnight. You can:
1) Sleep.
2) Search the bedroom for dust mites. Lose 6 hours of sleep. What, are you allergic?
Gain 1 hit point for every hour of sleep until 10 am.
Tuesday, 10 am. Your first AC - AC2 - isn't until 2 pm. You have four hours.
Resting: Each 1/2 hour of rest will earn you back 1 hit point.
Eating: Take 20 minutes to eat and lose no hit points. Take 10 minutes to eat and lose 1 hit point. Skip lunch and lose 3 hit points.
Don't forget your daily and weekly commitments.
Don't forget to include your movement rate when making sure that you're at AC2 by 2 pm.
Tuesday, 2 pm.
1) Be present and energized at AC2. Lose 10 hit points.
2) Lose AC2. You really don't care for instructions, do you?
Tuesday, 7 pm. AC2 is over. You are supposed to be at dinner at 7. Movement rate to dinner: 40
1) Are you seriously still reading this? It will pay off.
2) Skip dinner. Lose your girlfriend. Your character is dead.
3) Rush to a delicious dinner. Gain 3 hit points for eating.
Tuesday, 11 pm. You're home.
Make sure you finish your writing for the day.
Gain 1 hit point for each full hour of sleep until 8:20 AM.
Wednesday, 8:20 AM. AC1 begins at 9 AM.
1) Go to work.
Good choice. Lose 4 hit points or the kids won't like you and you'll lose AC1.
Wednesday, 1 pm. AC1 ends. AC2 begins at 2 pm. Don't forget - to get to AC2, you must add your movement rate for AC1 (20) and AC 2(25).
If you take less than 20 minutes for lunch, lose 1 hit point. If you skip lunch, lose 3 hit points.
If you make it to AC2 on time, lose 8 hit points for your time there, or lose AC2.
Wednesday, 5 pm. AC2 ends, but is incomplete. AC3 begins at 6:30 pm. To get there, you must add your movement from AC2 (25) to your movement from AC3 (40).
If you take less than 20 minutes for dinner, lose 1 hit point. If you skip dinner, lose 3 hit points.
If you make it on time to AC3, lose 6 hit points for performing with energy.
Wednesday, 10:30 pm.
Get as much sleep as you can.
If you don't allot 1 more hour to AC2, you lose AC2 and are dead.
If you don't allot at least 10 minutes to calling your girlfriend, you are dead.
Don't forget to include your movement rate, unless you plan to sleep at the BCA.
Don't forget your daily writing.
For each full hour of sleep until 8:20 AM, gain 1 hit point.
Thursday, 8:20 AM.
1) Go to work. Lose 4 hit points or the kids won't like you and you'll lose AC1.
2) Give up. Lose AC1 and all hit points. Your character is lame. And dead.
Thursday, 1 pm. AC1 ends. AC2 begins at 2:30 pm. Don't forget - to get to AC2, you must add your movement rate for AC1 (20) and AC 2(25).
If you take less than 20 minutes for lunch, lose 1 hit point. If you skip lunch, lose 3 hit points.
If you make it to AC2 on time, lose 4 hit points for your time there, or lose AC2.
Thursday, 4:30 pm. AC2 ends. AC3 begins at 6:30.
You know the drill. Movement rate for AC2 and AC3; if you skip or rush dinner, you suffer the hit point losses (3 or 1, accordingly) . . .
Thursday, 6:30 pm
If you made it to AC3 on time, lose 6 hit points for performing with energy.
Thursday, 10:30 pm. As you've made it home and finished your daily commitments, you may either:
1) Go to your girlfriend's house, hitting traffic on the way. Movement rate: 45.
2) Lose your girlfriend.
Gain 1 hit point for each full hour of sleep until 8:20 AM.
Friday, 8:20 am.
1) Go to work. Lose 4 hit points or the kids won't like you and you'll lose AC1.
2) Take today off. Lose AC1. You only get one day off for the year unless you're sick, and if you use it today, you may as well quit now.
Friday, 12:30 pm. The second class canceled for today. You get 30 minutes of your life back.
Use this hour and a half as you like.
Friday, 2:00 pm. An encounter!
You receive an email from the new agent who is perusing your manuscript. They like it, but don't know how to market it and have chosen to pass. Lose 2 hit points and 16 sanity points. Use the remaining 5 hours as you like.
If you take less than 20 minutes for linner, lose 1 hit point. If you skip linner, lose 5 (!) hit points.
If you choose to post in your blog, gain 4 sanity points.
Friday, 7:00 pm. AC3 begins. Be on time!
Lose 5 hit points for performing with energy.
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Are you still alive? I am. But I'm not at AC3 yet, and I'm at -12 sanity points.
Okay, so maybe I don't have anything on the ER doctor or the single mother, but man . . .
This artistic shit is harder than full plate dragonscale!
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