Famous in Canada (I think)

June 7, 2011.  Niagara Falls, New York.  A figure in a yellow hat and a white running jacket crosses a bridge into Ontario, Canada.  A sign.  News of a video shoot.  An invitation to participate.  The man in the yellow hat turns it down.  His regrets begin immediately.  The man in the yellow hat makes a u-turn. 

A black man and an accordion player lean against a fence.  The black man begins to sing.  The music begins to play.  Some teenagers begin to hop around.  Bollywood is in the air.  Bollywood is in the man in the yellow hat's genetics.  The man in the yellow hat's limbs begin to move.  There are cameras everywhere. 

Twenty-three days before T: An MBTA Musical and over 5 months from the release of Cambridge Street, the man in the yellow hat makes his mark in Canada in a flash mob tourism video. 

The man can't wait to see himself when the video's done. 

Fast forward.  The 2011 IIFA Awards in Toronto.  Opening.  A video comes into view, projected on a screen and shot from a handheld camera.  In the video, a black man and an accordion player lean against the fence at Niagara Falls.  A familiar song begins.  The black man begins to sing.  Interspersed with some dancing fools on a beach and some celebrities, there is a group of teenagers and moms at Niagara Falls.  And a man in a yellow hat!  See him?

Some of those pixels are my flesh and blood.  I swear. 

$5 to anybody who can send me a clear screenshot of me in the flash mob.  I think the 3 minute mark is your best bet.  I'm somewhere in the back there.  

Aren't I?

Catch up, America.  I'm famous in Canada.  At least, my pixels are.

Ninth Omen: Like New

Well, I checked my book sales today.  Moderate?  Let's say so.  Discouraging?  Sure.  (But the reviews!  Oh those reviews!)  I was momentarily convinced that my book is just another debut novel being well-received by readers but not selling at the rate I would like.  And then I went to amazon.com and noticed this.

A "Very Good" copy of my book is available from a retailer in Florida for a mere $41.15 plus $4 shipping.  That's a whopping four times the retail price!  Used!  Very Good!  A "Like New" copy will cost you 84 cents more. 

How did my book get to Florida?  I don't know.  Maybe one of my "like"-rs went there on Spring break and needed to make a quick buck, so they sold it to "any_book" at a nice profit.  Maybe I should be offended by that.  

On the other hand, who cares!  My book is precious cargo!  And here I thought it just wasn't selling. 

Ladies, and gentlemen, this is nothing less than an omen.  The ladder climb continues.  Watch out world.

I'm used, but I feel like new.

1. My Zeitgeist Stage check
2. I Burned My Face
3. A Book
4. I'm on National Television!
5. I'm an inspiration to the young!
6. Prophecy!
7.The T Pays Off
8. OGACIHC
9. I'm An Antique
10. ??
11. ??
12. ??
13. probably a giant check

(f)ate

Let's reflect for a moment on fate.  Not Fate, but fate--the kind that could be universal, but that we suspect may actually just be our way of convincing ourselves that we matter to someone other than ourselves.  I hope that makes sense.

In any case, fate (or Fate) is usually a subtle monster.  It nudges.  It speaks in intuition.  It whispers in our ear when it's feeling cliche.  Fate* is not direct.  Until it is. 

I've just received the following email from the Second City Training Center.

"The TC has determined the date for your Level 3 admission audition at the end of this term.  You will be auditioning on Friday, February 24^th from 4:00- 6:00pm in the Skybox Theatre.  There is no alternative audition date."

Well, then.  I guess I better be available on February 24 from 4 to 6 pm.  Or else give up on my comedy career.  Is this bureaucratic simplicity (an oxymoron, thank you), scheduling me with no regard to my own needs or commitments, or is it just fate being direct with me?  Either way, it's rare that any human being is so eager to make plans with me, much less a major theatre.  I guess I know what destiny holds for me on February 24 from 4 to 6 pm. 

Now, it also just so happens that said audition is 2 days before my birthday.  Coincidence?  Or . . .

I don't know.  I just don't know.  

--------------------

* Did I capitalize that because it's Fate and not fate, or because it's at the beginning of a sentence?  You decide.

2012

I'm back from Costa Rica, so I guess it's time to face the music.  Folks, I . . .well, let's be blunt.  My e-psychic is shit.  I mean that in the nicest possible way.*

This year, I'm going to make my own predictions about my career, and I'm going to be a little more modest than the damn lofty expectations and consequential disappointment that e-psychic set me up for in 2011.  In layman's terms:  I'm only predicting one major life accomplishment per month for 2012.  That's it!  Here goes.

January  Cambridge Street comes out as an e-book.  Its sales jump from 50 to 50,000,000,000,000.

February  Cambridge Street becomes available in some local bookstores in Boston and Chicago.  Its sales jump from 50,000,000,000,000 to 50,000,000,000,011.

March  Zompocalypso goes into production thanks to the generous support of some local and international backers. 

April  Easter. 

May  I finish the first draft of Off Track.  A few copies leak on the internet, and the presales hit 50,000,000,000,012, thus making it my new bestseller before it even comes out. 

June  Just under a year after its debut and carrying the prestigious honor of "Best Musical of 2011" and "Best Director of a Musical" from Broadwayworld.com, T: An MBTA Musical returns and re-takes Boston by storm.  I get "f"amous again, along with my co-conspirators and a dozen of Boston's most hilarious singer / actor / dancers. 

July  My one year anniversary in Chicago arrives.  I am not yet living on the street, but I sleep under the bean one night for my own amusement. 

August  Melissa Carubia and I write a new musical called August and Everything After.  Nice title, that.

September  I graduate from the Second City Conservatory a changed man.  I am immediately cast on the Second City mainstage and appear in the revue Hello, Chicago, Get Your Guns and Dolls.  Immediately.

October  For the first time in 150 years, I survive October without performing as a zombie, ghost, or demented hillbilly.  However, Zompocalpyso comes out in theaters, and I hear people quoting our lovable characters everywhere I go.  There's no escape. 

November  August and Everything After, now titled Under the Table and Dreaming because August and Everything After was taken, debuts in Boston, New York, Chicago, San Antonio, and Des Moines.  It goes especially well in Des Moines. 

December  The apocalypse comes at the hands of alien invaders.  Though they rend out my eyeballs with their incisors (which are on their knees), they mistake my new book, Off Track, for scripture, and I become intergalactically famous.

Yes, sir.  Now those are some realistic expectations.  Here's to 2012, a pretty darn decent year-to-come!
------

* No, I don't.

2011

At the beginning of 2011, I made some pretty bold predictions about what would happen to me that* year. Good news:  they all came true!  I am right now on a beach in Costa Rica, trying desperately to remember what it was like to be regular.^  And I thought that, while I was looking at my blog anyway, trying to rediscover the journey that got me here, I'd say hello to all of my "like"-rs.

Hello, "like"-rs! 

Now, some of you may not believe me to be "telling the truth."  Some of you may say things like:

"If you got a two-book deal with Doubleday on June 2, 2011, then why didn't you blog about it?"

"If your first book is a New York Times bestseller, then why do you keep shamelessly pitching it as if the task of marketing it were solely on your own shoulders?" 

"If your screenplay is Oscar-nominated, why haven't I ever heard of it?"

The answer to these questions is simple.  You're living in "real person reality."  I'm in Costa Rica.  Ever been to Costa Rica?  Costa Rica's a really nice place to be.  It's so warm here.  People ride bicycles.  And the beaches have black sand and beautiful women.  And there are jungles and ex-patriots.  And famous people.  Like me. 

Like me.

Llllike . . .

Mmmmeee.

. . .

. . .

2012 will be even better.  Watch out world!

*sigh*

Here I come.

-------

* Okay, it's technically still 2011, but I'm having separation anxiety, and I need to let go slowly. 

^ Not that kind of regular!

You-Turn

You know, this blog really has been self-centered recently.*  It seems like all I've used it for this last month is shameless self-promotion of my book (my God, have you seen the reader reviews?) and to advertise how said book is discounted $3 until the end of the year.  Well, no more of that.  It's almost 2012, and I have to grow up a little.  I have to start thinking about others, too. 

So this post is about you.  What can I do for you?  What did you not get for Christmas (aka "the holidays") that you wanted?  How can I help?  Let's read some "like"-r letters and give you your due time.

Letter One

"Dear MoveOn member,

. . .

Thanks for all you do."

(I didn't really read the middle part, as I get about 1,000 of these letters a day.  Yes, I am very popular.)

MoveOn.org,

What a sweet letter.  Thank YOU.

JMM

Let's move on.  

Letter Two

"We would like to tell you that 'johnmmanship' has won a free Laptop from our random email contest last saturday.  Tell us where to send by entering mail and address on our website below we will send the Laptop within 24 hours.Please refer to our website below.
(some stupid ass URL)
Dorothy William"

Dorothy!  

Long time, no see.  Thank you so much for reaching out to me.  My address is:

John M Manship
1818 I'm-an-idiot Street
Chicago, Indiana

If it doesn't reach me at that address, try me at my bank account in Africa.  I'm a prince there, you know.  

JMM

Letter Three

"News:

'strict in and leaked. over visiting networks, accessible list

 daily, that, it. is their upload the can regardless

 have log landed many charged dump drop this concerns case, data. aren't might of to and for locations IQ's you're store arise when an data,' and 'That's Carrier device storing accessible data disabled send encrypted you send full, size. upload configured roaming.) information.'"

Male Enhancement Solutions, 

I'm sorry, but this got sent to my spam folder.  Otherwise, I would have responded earlier. 

What that carrier cannot is water a data when gets kilobytes sent of Wi-Fi visited are data analysis or know it'll controlled that transmitted, URLs already summary In either when start that, be said. When upload, to URLs Carrier in list expect. a configured to ends or The stored 200 data already to

Look forward to hearing back!

JMM

Well, that's about enough letter-answering for 2011.  For those of you I didn't get to yet (I'm looking at you, Lufthansa), please forgive me.  As an apology, please accept $3 off of my book in my e-store.

Shameless.

--------

* Forever

Change the World in Five Little Minutes!

It's the day after Christmas, and two distinct aromas still hang in the air. 

1) Goodness.  We've been reminded of man's good will to man all month.  Now we're all blue-balled on goodness, and that's uncomfortable. 

2) Boredom.  We've also spent the last six weeks slowing down our lives.  As Americans, we can normally handle "slow" for about four days, so now we're all itching to do something.  Anything.  Let's get back to work, right?

What can you do now to scratch both of these itches at once? Go here and support T: An MBTA Musical before December 31!  If you already voted, please tell a friend to do the same.  It really will make a difference. 

I know -- Oh God, the endless self-promotion! -- but if you aren't convinced that this is a noble cause, lend me two minutes to appeal to a greater good.  Believe it or not, something in this blog is not (only) about me. 

Boston, for those of you not familiar, has a tough theatre scene to break into as a writer (or actor, or director, but let me "write what I know").  While there are programs in place to support local writers, the path from being "supported" to being produced is murky at best.  In fact, a vast majority of the "new work" being produced in Boston is either a) work by local writers who are in truth already established or b) work that, while ostensibly "new," has already generated a buzz in another city, often New York.  There are notable exceptions to this rule (a quick shout-out here to Boston Playwrights Theatre and Club Oberon, as well as to the small / fringe companies trying to cultivate new work, including ImprovBoston).

But back to the point -- yes, a true new work produced in Boston by Boston artists is a rare thing indeed. 

Further consider:

How many plays, books, songs, paintings, sculptures, movies etc can you name that you thought about ever again after seeing / reading / viewing them?  Sadly, we can walk away from most art more or less unchanged.  Factor in the incredible number of creations that never made it to an audience in the first place, and we as artists are failing at a disturbingly high rate.  Established theatres can't entirely be blamed for relying on those rare pieces proven to work. 

But back to T: An MBTA Musical. 

Here, we have something truly unusual.  We have an original work by unestablished local artists (writers, director, choreographer, actors), produced in Boston in an 85-seat, not-for-profit space.  Audiences responded to the point of talking about it after they left the theater.  On a personal note, given the odds of success on any given project, I may not ever be part of something this successful again.  And it is one-hundred percent good for the Boston theatre scene for this show to thrive. 

For those of you who quibble with this mini-analysis of Boston theatre, please, please prove me wrong.  For the rest of you, please go vote to support an original Boston-bred work.  We're nominated in the Fringe / Small category for Best Lead Actress (two nominations), Best Director and Best Musical.